| Q: Many churches prohibit sex before marriage. What is your view on this subject? Does sex mean kissing and sharing a bed, or sexual intercourse? If a courting couple within your church shares a bed together and kisses, but does not engage in sexual inter |
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As you’ve stated, sex, defined in worldly terms as the act of intercourse, before marriage is clearly against the teachings of the Bible (1 Cor 6:9-10; Gal 5:19-21). Although the Bible does not explicitly address other "sexual behavior" such as kissing, petting, and all other foreplay, the Scripture certainly has many teachings that can help us know what actions please or displease God.
As with any behavior or action, you need to ask yourself, what is my motive? Why hold hands, kiss, or share a bed? Can anyone truly say that they can be "sexual" in the broadest sense (doing everything except the act of intercourse) and maintain a pure mind? The Lord Jesus once said that sinning in your heart/mind is no less sinful than committing an outward sin. If a man looks lustfully at a woman, he has already committed adultery in his heart (Mt 5:27-8). This is not any person's law, but God's. It tells us the high standard of holiness God requires of us. In God's eyes, desire itself is equal to committing the act! Particularly when you consider sharing a bed together. Why do this at all? It’s hard to think of any reason why a man and a woman would do this that does not involve lust, especially when they are “in love.” Scripture strictly teaches us to sanctify the bed, for God will judge anyone who fails to do (Heb 13:4). It can't be stated any clearer.
Engaging in foreplay or even petting is like playing with fire. It certainly opens, not closes, the door for Satan to tempt us. Again, the Bible tells us to not leave a foothold for Satan to tempt us (Eph 4:27). Does being physically intimate during courtship add anything to the relationship? In fact, it may do more harm than good by clouding the lens through which a couple sees each other. There are many other things that a couple may pursue together that can actually build them up and not open themselves prematurely to hurt and not be displeasing to God. Apostle Paul also said that it is better to be married than to burn with passion (1 Cor 7:8-9). So if the courting couple is ready to be sexually involved with each other, why not get married?
You also raise the issue of receiving blessing from the church. The True Jesus Church upholds the belief that any couple that comes before God to be married ask for blessings from God directly and not from the church. Even though it is the church that performs the ceremony, it is ultimately up to God to bestow upon blessings. This also answers the question of what happens if a couple should decide to hide certain deeds from the church.
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