Charmian Chong—London, UK

People always tell me: Pour out your heart to God.
I dont know how—why—
I just tell Him what I want,
What I think He wants to hear.

And there is something not quite right.
A barrier between us makes me question:
Does God really hear my prayers?
Is He really there?

Yet life goes on,
The feelings of discomfort
Brushed under the carpet.
Surely all is well?

Being honest with yourself is a hard thing to do.

Then I am reminded of Gods love,
How He made me His child
According to the good pleasure of His will.

He was so happy to come to earth for me
He was so glad to suffer on the cross for me
He wanted to bear my sins for me

Think about His love.
How can anyone be worthy of this sacrifice?
Least of all
Me?

Think about His love.
He already knows the person that I am.
I am the one who doesnt.

Who is this person He died for?
I must search myself to know
Who is this person God loves?
To know the extent of His love

His love opens my reluctant,
hardened heart.
Looking into myself, reflecting deeply
I see
Weaknesses I could not bring myself to admit
Even to myself,
Sins I convinced myself were nothing, not really sins.

And yet now it is so clearX
If being honest with yourself is hard
Being honest with God is even harder.

This hidden, unexpected truth
How can I come to Him so unworthy?
Unworthy of His love, His great sacrifice
And yet
It is in this love, this sacrifice, that I have faith.

He knew all along what I had hidden from myself
He knew and still He chose to suffer
For me

With boldness I must come
Before the High Priest
The throne of grace
To pour out what I have discovered deep
Within my heart
To admit the ugly truth
The truth He knew all along
Of who I really am

In prayer the veil is lifted
my heart poured out
like water before
the face of the Lord

every weakness
every insecurity
deep within me
exposed

but still the mercy of the Lord endures
from everlasting to everlasting
and I finally see how
His mercy
is as high as the heavens above
and why His unfailing compassions
seem new each morning

He knows more than any friend
He is nearer than any sister or brother
He knew from the start who I am
and now I know
I no longer need to pretend
for my closest Friend knows
the person behind the veil

My grace is sufficient for you
For My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor 12:9a)