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 (Manna 40: God's Loving Anger)
At the End of the Rainbow
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For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Ps 139:13-16)

God is the giver of life, but our lot in life is different—each according to His will. Some are born healthier and some are weaker. My youngest son, Elliot, was born weaker.

My husband and I welcomed Elliot into this world on July 7, 1988, in New Jersey, USA. Not long after Elliot’s birth, the pediatric heart specialist told me that there was a murmur in his heart, and Elliot would require heart surgery at the age of four.

At the time, I had so many questions in my heart, “Why did God give me an unhealthy child? Did I sin against God? Does He still love me?” God is love but how can He allow this to happen to us?

One sister wrote a letter to encourage me that God allows us to suffer so that we will adjust our focus and follow Jesus’ example. In times of distress, it is our lesson to learn empathy, so that our faith will also be reinvigorated to follow Him wholeheartedly.

In the gospel book of John, chapter nine, the multitude asked Jesus about a man who was born blind whether he or his parents sinned against God. Jesus replied that neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

I then examined my direction of my heavenly journey and, comforted, I resumed the work of visitation and intercession for fellow brothers and sisters. During that time, I often took Elliot and my in-laws to visit friends who were physically weak, and I learned much about serving others with love.

I desired for a miracle to happen so Elliot would not require surgery at the age of four, and I thought this is the only way for me to testify God’s glory—to experience His miracle. When Elliot turned four years old, and the operation became inevitable, I prayed with Elliot earnestly.

Nevertheless, the doctor told us that Elliot’s heart murmur was still persistent the day before the surgery. We went ahead with the surgery the following day and, indeed, prayers were answered because the surgery went smoothly. Thank God.

Ten years later, the glory of our Lord Jesus is still so evident and poignant within the lines of Elliot’s on-line journal:

Monday, September 09, 2002

Thank God, I have passed another CT scan for internal bleeding. I know this is just another trial to pass. I will not fear anything, for I know God watches for me. God will never give you something you cannot bear. I got heart doctor to go to for a check up tomorrow and an ultra sound test to look at my liver. *sigh* so much to do..I have so much to learn so much more to face. With God beside me all of my life, I am not afraid of anything.

Pre birth-5 weeks

Age 4-heart ASD repair, pulmonary finding

Prior to age 8-ear infections, sinus, bronchitis, and tonsillitis

Age 8-ear tubes inserted to avoid infections.

Age 13-right leg internal bleeding, main vein punctured, blood clog around bone. Discovery of leakage in the heart.

Age 14-whole back internal bleeding, hospitalized, CT, ultra sound, bleeding time testing. Blood clog testing, liver cancer testing, and other cancer testing. Follow up CT scan and ultra sound testing.

I depended on God my whole life, suffering, trials…I remember when I was 4, I was so afraid before my operation. Everyone in church prayed for me before the operation, I prayed to God…I remember when I went to the operating table, I was not afraid. I remember Pastor Chou was so happy, the next time I saw him at church. The operation was successful. I don’t know how much I have to go through, but I am happy that God lives in me. He gave me strength to pass all these things.

Through the love of God, Elliot pursued Him diligently, frequently participated in family services, and observed Sabbath every week. Even though he was physically weaker than others, he grew up in New Jersey and experienced the growing pains of a normal teenager with all his friends.

On June 29, 2002, our family moved to San Jose, in Northern California. Elliot left his beloved relatives, brothers and sisters from church, friends, neighbors, and schoolteachers. And he was lonely.


Thursday, October 17, 2002

No one knows how I feel about living in San Jose…New Jersey is my home, and it will always be my home. Heaven is my home and it will always be my home. …Wherever I go it is not my home. It will never be my home. But it’s hard to realize that, because you live your life with sight not by faith. So let’s try to walk life, with our eyes closed, and just let Christ hand in hand guide our way, back to His home, my home. My true home forever.

In his on-line journal, he was lively and naughty like any teenager but, at the same time, he expressed his deep frustrations, too. Although he was suffering physically, he diligently examined the meaning of life and understood the mission that God had given him.

He also testified the faith, hope, and love he had received from God. Until now, I never fully realized how God was constantly protecting Elliot’s spiritual life.

As healthy people, we often take everything for granted and forget that God gives it. Whenever we meet trials, we feel depressed and doubt that God will manifest His glory through our sufferings.

On July 10, 2002, at the age of fourteen, Elliot went to the hospital for serious abdominal pains. After testing, the source of internal bleeding was not found and he was discharged three days later.

In August, he returned to New Jersey for the summer Student Spiritual Convocation (SSC) and was filled with the Holy Spirit. He felt joyful and renewed. Even though Elliot had received the Holy Spirit two years earlier at the age of twelve, God took it away shortly after because he did something wrong.

This time, he repented sincerely and was filled with the Holy Spirit again. He truly understood the importance of praying often to keep the Holy Spirit with him. After the Student Spiritual Convocation, Elliot wrote down his thoughts:

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

I am thankful to God that I am living today. Remember, “give God the glory in all that you do, and watch him do GREAT things for you.”

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

…I hope I don’t bleed again cuz if I have internal bleeding again, blood will shoot to my brains and who knows what…I might die. I’m not ready to see God yet. I have so much to offer for Him. But God will provide a way. From now on I’m going to try to fit God into every journal entry because what I give to God just isn’t enough.

Thursday, September 05, 2002

My life may not be good, it may not be happy, it may not be fun. Someday, when we leave this earth, you look back and you try to recall your happy, fun, and good times. But you find little. As you look at your past, you even cry a bit. God will look at your past, he will give you the crown of life. Because he saw your good deeds. He saw your love, he saw your driving force to win many people to Christ. He saw everything you did. Though today, you may feel that your life is meaningless. But when you are in heaven, you will be glad. You earned more than you think. Don’t be sad about your past, but be happy about your future.

Friday, September 06, 2002

…I will be glad that God was with me my whole life. “If we die with Him, we shall live with Him. If we endure, we shall reign with him.” (2 Tim 2:11-12)

Tuesday, September 3, 2002

SSC this summer to me was fruitful…I learned how to love one another…I felt God’s love so close…”love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy”…true love is from God. I have felt the power of the devil, and the power of God in this SSC, as Satan tries to pull me away from Christ…

As I think and write this on the 6 hour flight back to California, tears drop on this piece of paper I am writing on…I feel that the Lord has prepared me. I have gone through many sufferings. ..I promised myself to strengthen the church in San Jose. Just as the disciples strengthened the Galatian, Corinth. I want to touch the heart of man.

Wednesday, September 4, 2002

Lord, I want to be more like you. I want to love, serve, praise, honor, and glorify you. Lord, I want to be a better person, lead my life. Put me on the correct path. You helped me when I was sick, you helped me when I was in suffering. Oh Lord, you set me a good example, for you sacrificed your life for me, that I should sacrifice what I have for you. I shall speak your truth, your way, your life, for the rest of my life. As long as I live, I will serve you. As long as I live, I will praise you. As long as I live I will forever love you.

Sunday, September 8, 2002

Today’s reflection: Give God your best, give God your all, give God His glory. Don’t let Jesus die in vain…the Holy Spirit moves me…and I love Him dearly. I am going to walk with God. If you have any problems and trials you can talk to me…I will pray for you. Only if they didn’t have age limit to become a pastor...I would be a pastor right now…I would rather go into theological training right now…the world is so tempting, and I need to learn how to fight it.

On September 17, Elliot was rushed to the hospital for abdominal pain, and again nothing was found. He was discharged four days after.

Sunday, October 13, 2002

You cannot change the past, but you can only control your future. Please, I urge you do treasure your time, while you can…As a person said “treasure what you have now, or it will be lost forever.” I didn’t get the chance to say good bye. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to those who hated me. I didn’t get the chance to love, those whom should be loved. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to all my neighbors, whom all I grew up with. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to my teachers, whom they have taught me...The point is, treasure, accept all things.

Monday, October 21, 2002

I don’t have the luxury of living too long…I have pulmonary, and thin blood veins will decrease life around 20 years…While you guys get to live an extra 20 years, I’ll be in heaven smiling down. I need to know how to learn how to treasure time. 50 years is the approx age for how long a person with pulmonary lives…I won’t waste my life…I’ll make it worthwhile. But I’m still learning. Like I say, treasure things before it’s too late…I have a feeling that God has placed me in San Jose, to teach me how much suffering it is, when we take things for granted. It’s just another lesson. Just because people like you readers, get to live so much longer. Your life may not be as much meaning, if you put it to waste. I know I’m not going to waste my life, because of those 20 years I lose will make me strong…And I hope you won’t waste life. Every breath is a step closer to death.

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Today is my worst day of my life. And also the happiest.

When I was playing basketball today, I went to do a lay-up and when I landed, my tendons ripped. And I need surgery most likely, blah! Pray for me—it takes around two weeks to recover, but I’m coming for SSC on Friday!! I only need a miracle…


Monday, December 16, 2002 (Last journal entry)

Ouch… my stomach hurts! I am so tired…I think I’ll give up on my math homework…

On the Tuesday morning of December 17, I saw Elliot praying on his knees, and it was obvious that his knee injury was improving. His father took him to see an acupuncturist in the morning and the family doctor in the afternoon.

The family doctor diagnosed Elliot with appendicitis and that he should have surgery immediately. On the way from the medical office to the hospital, Elliot calculated that he will be discharged the next day and should be able to return to New Jersey to attend the SSC on Friday.

Around nine o’clock that night, before Elliot was sent to the operating room, I told him to repeat “Hallelujah!” in his heart and God will surely be with him. At that moment, I strongly sensed the existence of God. I kissed him, and his father said “Bye, Elliot”.

No one knew that this was the last time we would see him. After five hours of surgery, at 2:10 a.m. on December 18, the doctor announced that he had done everything he could to save Elliot’s life.

Due to the congenital weakness of his blood vessels, the aneurysm in his abdomen had burst and caused internal bleeding. The general surgeons discovered that a section of the large intestine was damaged when the doctors attempted to stop the bleeding. At this point the surgeons called in a vascular specialist to help with the operation.

The doctors gave him blood transfusions throughout the operation until his heart stopped beating. Elliot had lost a hundred percent of his blood and as a result the doctors pumped back a hundred percent. This was repeated five times throughout the operation.

We feel comforted that Elliot did not have to go through any pain from the beginning to the end of the surgery since he was under full anesthesia. He peacefully returned to the arms of our heavenly father. This is God’s mercy and love.

“As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness” (Ps 17:15).


As autumn passed and we entered the month of December, I had the melody of one particular hymn fill my mind whenever I was in solitude. The hymn “Does Jesus Care?” sung in my heart and gave me much strength and comfort.

On the early morning that Elliot died, my husband called two brothers in San Jose Church and they came to the hospital immediately. They accompanied us back to the operating room. When I saw Elliot, my heart was at peace because I knew he was resting in God’s arms and God will take care of him.

Around four o’clock that morning the two brothers accompanied us home. I was reminded of that particular hymn again, and I asked everyone to sing it together. Every word of the lyrics touched me—especially the last verse:

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “good-by”

To the dearest on earth to me,

And my sad heart aches

Till it nearly breaks,

Is it aught to Him? Does He care?

O yes, He cares, I know He cares,

His heart is touched with my grief;

When the days are weary,

The long night dreary,

I know my Savior cares.

Yes, the Lord Jesus always takes care of us. He took Elliot to a more beautiful home so he will suffer no more, and He used this hymn to strengthen me so I may be comforted.

That same night, Elliot’s good friend had a dream about him. This is what his friend had to say:

“Last night I had a dream. It was about Elliot. Elliot was kind of standing there and then there was this light glowing in him. The light grew larger and brighter and kind of devoured him. In other words, it shone so brightly it covered his body. I noticed that he wasn’t sad at all, in fact, he was rejoicing. He was actually pretty happy. When I woke up I found this feeling I’ve only felt once when I received the Holy Spirit and I found tear stains all over my pillow.”

During Elliot’s surgery I prayed: “Lord Jesus, please give him more time on this earth so he can pursue spiritual perfection. I have not seen him bring anyone to believe in you, thus, please give him the opportunity to serve you in order to receive rewards in heaven.”

I felt regretful that Elliot will not have the opportunity to serve God because he passed away at such a young age. It wasn’t until after his death that I came to know about the thoughts he wrote in his journal, and his words shocked me and made me realize that, all along, he had already been working for the Lord.

In his limited time and energy, his words to us are his beautiful service to God. Most importantly, the love and aroma of Christ permeated through his journal.

On the day of the funeral, I suddenly realized that Elliot’s birth, his fourteen years on this earth, and even his departure, were all glorious acts of God. The glory of God was manifested not merely from Elliot’s faith, hope, and love, but also from the impact his life left on people.


Elliot had big eyes and thick eyebrows and he was a little shy. He was not eloquent and not very attractive. His life was short and filled with physical suffering, but just like the widow with the two coins, he was willing to offer what he had. He knew that he was not perfect, but through the wonderful power of God, he was able to preach the sweetness of His grace.

Even in suffering and pain, Elliot was brave, optimistic, and always thankful. He truly believed in the heavenly kingdom as promised by Jesus and his hope was not wasted. This is the glory of heaven.

I used to not know how to start a conversation about the gospel with my friends. But through Elliot’s words and personal experiences, I am now able to talk about the love and the faithfulness of God when talking to friends and relatives.

They are all willing to listen and I am able to grasp this opportunity to preach the word of salvation from the true church. It is true that God uses different ways to manifest His heavenly glory.

Even though Elliot has passed on, God has strengthened my faith more than ever. After Elliot’s passing God led me to this verse:

I will praise You with my whole heart;

Before the gods I will sing praises to You.

I will worship toward Your holy temple,

And praise Your name

For Your lovingkindness and Your truth;

For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.

In the day when I cried out, You answered me,

And made me bold with strength in my soul.

(Ps 138:1-3)

Now, I desire more of His words and pray with more strength. The Holy Spirit continues to move me, and I was able to encourage our relatives and friends at the funeral and also flew to New Jersey Church to testify.

On December 26, 2002, the flight attendant saw me reading the book of Job during the flight. He asked me, “Are you reading a Chinese bible?” and I replied, “Yes.” I took the opportunity to introduce him to the Holy Spirit and I also gave him our church’s website.

Before Elliot returned to his heavenly home, he wrote a poem to his good friend in church to express his wish:

I wanna go home

A place where there’s no worries

There are no dreams

Because you’re living it

The home is not a house

It is a place of peace

a place of praise

A place that gives an ever contentful heart…

a place that I thought I known forever

A place I can almost see, almost touch, almost feel…

This place has everlasting happiness

Everlasting love

There’s never hope

You don’t need hope

A place where we don’t need faith, because we can finally see, finally after our whole life we can see our Lord

The Lord that we believed with faith in our life.


In June 2002, while we were preparing to relocate from New Jersey to California, I saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky shine through after heavy rain. I commented to Elliot how beautiful it was, and the hymn, “Heaven Came Down”, came into my heart.

Heaven came down and glory filled my soul.

When at the cross my Savior made me whole;

My sins were washed away

And my night was turned to day—

Heaven came down and glory filled my soul!

The funeral weekend was also blanketed with heavy rain. We thought it would pose some inconvenience to everyone, but when we opened our door to leave the house that morning, we were greeted with a bright clear sky and yet another beautiful rainbow.

It was all the assurance and comfort I needed that God had prepared everything for us beautifully. Since then, there has been time when this hymn would come back to me. It is as if God is reaffirming with me that His will is in my life and His glory will always fill my soul.

Afterwards, when I discovered Elliot’s on-line journal, I realized that the mystery of the rainbow is something that we both share.

Elliot Yeh September 6, 2002

Trials are to be passed, obstacles are to be finished. Races are to be won…

Someday, I will see you at the end of the rainbow.

Yes, after we fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith, we will not only meet Him at the end of the rainbow but also enjoy the heavenly glory with all the saints. Hallelujah, amen.

Publisher: True Jesus Church