Beatrice Kang—London, UK

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I share my journey of faith.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man's all. (Eccl 12:13)

This verse concludes the Book of Ecclesiastes, written by King Solomon. Despite being born into the church, I have struggled to consistently practice this simple principle in my youth, and it is something I am still striving to do. Walking according to God's commandments is challenging in today's increasingly secular world. But in my faith journey, God has revealed my spiritual complacency, double mindedness, and pride. I have learned that only by relying on Him can we overcome the temptations and lusts of the world.

THE DANGERS OF SPIRITUAL COMPLACENCY: PEER PRESSURE AND DOUBLE-MINDEDNESS

When I was eight, my family immigrated to the Swedish capital, Stockholm, a city without a local True Jesus Church (TJC)—a decision that was not made lightly because of the potential impact on our faith. While this country has a five-hundred-year history of Protestantism, today, it is one of the most secular countries in the world.^[1] My faith was constantly challenged, both subtly and overtly, in this secular environment, and I often fell into spiritual complacency. However, through the grace of God, He has reminded me at various times in my late teens and early twenties to draw back to Him and strengthen my faith.  

As I grew up, it became clear to me that Christianity was not viewed positively in the society I lived in—instead, it was deemed backward and unprogressive. For example, the following are memorable conversations I have had with several classmates during my early teens:

"Oh, you're a Christian? My dad says that Christianity is just a cult. He says it is some form of effective brainwashing: the opium of the masses."

"Religion breeds all sorts of irrationality. It just makes no sense."

"How can you support a religion of hate? How can you deny LGBTQ+ people their right to love freely?"

These conversations caused me to feel ashamed of my core identity as a child of Christ. After an incident in middle school, where my teacher and classmates laughed at me for questioning Darwin's theory of evolution, and a public fallout with my best friend for my being a "bigot" and declining to attend the annual Pride parade, I became afraid to draw attention to myself by speaking out. For the rest of my teenage years in Stockholm, I kept quiet out of fear but also spiritual complacency. I convinced myself it was best to avoid a faux pas, and in any event, society is beyond reasoning on such issues. I proudly believed that, despite my silence, I was strong enough not to compromise my Christian values personally. However, my silence slowly led to my becoming double-minded. I was like a spiritual fence-sitter vacillating between conflicting identities, indifferent to concepts and ideologies that went against the truth of the Bible. Thus, I separated my "school self" and "home self" into two different persons.

My attitude did not improve after moving away from home to a different country for university, even though I was now able to travel to attend church every Sabbath. During my first year, I continued trying to fit in by conveniently omitting that I was unavailable on the Sabbath, simply mentioning to my friends that I had "commitments" on Saturdays without further explanation. Soon, I did not even say I was Christian in conversation. In addition, I socialized in friendship groups that had individuals who confused my values further, for example, those who practiced polyamory or "relationship anarchy," who were staunch supporters of the LGBTQ+ movement, and who had drinking or partying habits. While I did not take part in their activities, I did not equip or strengthen myself through spiritual cultivation during the week, doing only the bare minimum on the Sabbath. I naively reasoned that I was not encouraging or approving of these activities and that these friendships were simply a necessity of living in society—I could not actively avoid these individuals in a university setting. Thus, I was proudly wise in my own eyes and foolishly did not depart from evil (Prov 3:7).

Despite my shortcomings and undeserving mindset, God reminded me during a prayer later in my first year of university of when I received the Holy Spirit. I was thirteen at the time and saw a vision: Christ nailed to the cross, all bloodied and bare. I had suppressed my memory of this vision and had not earnestly asked for the infilling of the Holy Spirit consistently since then. This, coupled with my inability to stand firm in my values, made me fall into a spiritual slumber; I had failed to be sober and watchful (1 Thess 5:6). The memory of this vision shook me to the core and prompted me to reassess my heritage as a child of God. I was determined to live worthy of His calling. To pick up my cross and follow Him, I needed to stop being unstable in my ways and draw near to God (Jas 1:8; 4:8).

While I am grateful that God granted me the Holy Spirit in my youth, upon reflection, I shamefully failed to cherish God's precious Helper throughout my teenage years, and my foolish willfulness prevented me from fully submitting to the Holy Spirit. God's gentle and timely reminder that day prevented me from straying further from the truth. In hindsight, growing up in a secular environment and moving away from home during university were trials that helped me develop spiritual resilience and overcome indirect persecution by learning to stand firm in my identity as a child of Christ. I gradually cut contact with bad company, which was initially daunting and lonely. However, I eventually formed friendships with people with similar values. Some were Christians from other denominations with whom I could share biblical encouragements and discuss doctrines. I even invited them to Sabbath services—a milestone I never thought I would achieve. From then onwards, I no longer shied away from explaining to others why I must attend Sabbath services on Saturdays and was moved to spend more time in church after services. This shift in perspective brought me greater peace within my heart as I was no longer constantly warring against myself. As Jesus reminds us, we cannot serve two masters, for we will "hate the one and love the other" and "be loyal to the one and despise the other" (Mt 6:24).

The spiritual teachings I learned from this period are reinforced by the story of Noah, which inspires me to stand firm in my faith. Through godly fear, Noah chose to condemn the world and singularly follow God's commands. Despite the social and cultural situation at the time, Noah humbled himself to obey God's instruction to build an ark when there were no signs of incoming rainfall or flooding (Gen 6:22; Heb 11:7). Noah knew to trust the word of God wholeheartedly. Thus, due to his perseverance and obedience, Noah saved himself and his family, physically and spiritually (1 Pet 3:20). In these end times, we must continue steadfastly and set our sights towards the kingdom of God (Mt 6:33). We must stand firm in the word of God, and patiently wait for Him (Jas 5:7–8).

CULTIVATING SPIRITUAL MATURITY: REPLACING PRIDE WITH HUMILITY

Although I had made positive changes, as I entered my final year of university, my focus shifted to worldly goals, and I again slipped into spiritual complacency. Prioritizing extracurricular pursuits, my focus on God took a backseat. As my successes increased, my heart swelled with pride.

Before attending university, I promised God that, should I be accepted into a particular university, I would willingly journey to the nearest church to attend the Sabbath service every week. However, the journey to the nearest church would take four to five hours by bus—the most affordable form of travel on my student's budget. Alongside a growing sense of social exclusion, my increasing workload, and the mounting pressure of university life, juggling my daily schedule and attending Sabbath service became more challenging. I began to dread journeying out of campus every week, and the commute felt more burdensome. My time spent in church during the Sabbath grew shorter and shorter, and I forgot my initial promise to God. In hindsight, I had become self-entitled and prideful. I thought I was sacrificing "my time," forgetting that the Lord can easily take what He has given (Job 1:21). Most appallingly, I was unwittingly murmuring against God while failing to fulfill my promise to Him. Indeed, "Better not to vow than to vow and not pay" (Eccl 5:5–7).

Thankfully, God reminded me of my folly and insolence by repeatedly delaying my buses, trains, and local traffic, causing me to miss most of the Sabbath service each week. These delays were often caused by extraordinary events outside my control, such as a bus tire bursting en route or a disorderly passenger situation requiring police intervention. In addition, during this period, I performed below average academically and felt overwhelmed by the syllabus despite allocating more time to study and less time to God during the Sabbath. The coincidence of these unusual delays over several weeks and my declining academic performance caused me to reflect on my attitude. God had barred me from attending service properly because my attitude toward Him made me unworthy of His attention. Like Cain, I presented God with second-class fruits of the soil (Gen 4:2–5) while failing to guard my heart against pride and self-entitlement (Prov 4:23), resulting in a poor attitude towards God. Despite my mistakes, God reminded me gently. I felt ashamed in light of God's mercy. Therefore, this chapter of my university experience taught me that "pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Prov 16:18; see also Prov 18:12). My inability to prioritize keeping the Sabbath in true fear of the Lord would have led to my spiritual downfall.

I repented to God and endeavored to attend Sabbath on time, giving ample time for unforeseen delays. Rather than mindlessly observing the Sabbath, I resolved to reflect on my conduct throughout the week to prepare a reverent heart for the Sabbath. This shift in attitude made me appreciate the blessing and joy of observing the Sabbath; seeing God's abidance in His church brought comfort in the knowledge that He is my refuge and strength in times of trouble (Ps 46:1–2). This period in my faith also reminded me of the importance of prioritizing and keeping God's commandments—in this case, the holy Sabbath—wholeheartedly and in godly fear and reverence.

GOD'S CONTINUAL REMINDERS: TRUST GOD'S WILL

Later, I again experienced God's gentle reminders regarding my pride. During the global pandemic, I faced the considerable pressure of final examinations and the uncertainty of finding employment, especially after rounds and rounds of unsuccessful interviews.

After my exams, my family took COVID-19 antibody tests. I tested positive for the antibodies, confirming that I had contracted COVID-19 in the months before my exams. Instead of being grateful that my family did not contract the virus and that I still passed my exams, I was too preoccupied with moping over my weaker-than-hoped final results. I worried this would prevent me from entering the job market. This showed that pride was still rooted within my heart. As Elder James reminds us:

[Y]ou do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." (Jas 4:14–15; compare Acts 18:21)

From this event, I have learned that although I may have specific plans and goals in my heart, God's plans and counsel will always triumph for the betterment of those who serve Him (Prov 19:21). Instead of worrying about tomorrow (Mt 6:25), I should have entrusted my worries to God and humbled myself in obedience and thanksgiving (Phil 4:6–7). Deep self-examination revealed I relied on my strength and will instead of God's will. Through His mercy, God humbled me by reminding me that although I may not know what tomorrow holds, I should know who holds my hand. Only after I swallowed my pride did God unexpectedly grant me a job.  

In hindsight, my year-long job search was a blessing. I was able to spend time with my family—drawing closer to God together and building our family altar during the pandemic—after several years of studying abroad and living alone. This extra year allowed me to grow in spiritual maturity through encouragement from my family and spending more time to reflect on my faith earnestly.

The job God had granted me was also a blessing. Although it was in a different country, I could move after the lockdown had lifted and was close to a large and established local church. This has been an opportunity for me to draw closer to God spiritually, draw nearer to the community of faith, and learn to serve in the household of God humbly. Although I am away from my family, God has steered me towards my family in Christ. While I am still riddled with imperfections and still learning to rely more on Christ and less on my strength, I have never been lacking each time I do so. Christ has always paved and smoothened my path towards Him. For example, I once worked in a department that often required weekend work. By the grace of God, by keeping firm in my beliefs, we always found a workaround that allowed me to observe the Sabbath. God blessed me with helpful colleagues and understanding superiors, which was not a common experience for everyone in the organization.

Upon reflection, I am comforted by Jesus' reminder:

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" (Mt 6:26–27)

Therefore, although our lives may not progress precisely as planned, we should trust in God's will in godly fear and obedience and continue to keep His commandments even when the alternative seems easier.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS AND ENCOURAGEMENTS

The story of Namaan's healing from leprosy provides us with spiritual encouragement (2 Kgs 5). As a renowned general of a conquering state, Naaman had to humble himself four times during his journey by accepting the advice of a foreign slave girl; traveling from the palace to see the prophet Elijah, only to be met by Elijah's messenger with curt instructions; acting on the advice of his servants to travel to the River Jordan, which he saw as inferior to rivers in his homeland, after an already long and challenging trip (2 Kgs 5:9–13); and bathing himself seven times in the Jordan, as a leper in full view of the public.

We must be willing to humble ourselves and lean not on our understanding when determining our paths (Prov 3:5–6). Like Naaman, out of pride, I had lashed out in anger when my plans had not gone exactly as planned—my disrupted journeys from campus to church, my disappointing university grades, and my delayed entry into employment. Instead of being grateful for God's timing and providence or asking myself what spiritual lessons I could learn in the event of unforeseen circumstances or perceived failures, I murmured when the journey took a long, unexpected turn. I have learned to accept that the "race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong" (Eccl 9:11) and God has His time for everything (Eccl 3:1). As the story of Naaman reminds us, only through fully humbling ourselves to accept God's will can we truly experience His grace and save ourselves from the follies of our pride.

We must endeavor to follow God's will and commandments completely, in godly fear and submission. There is little room for double-mindedness in our journey of faith. Naaman would not have been healed if he had only bathed six times that day. By God's grace and Naaman's complete obedience, he was healed from leprosy. Likewise, to overcome our "spiritual leprosy," we must completely trust and obey God's will. We must humbly accept His time, His way, and His method.

I thank God for His patience and grace despite all of my shortcomings. I am determined to continue to put these teachings into practice and serve Him in a manner worthy of my calling. I will need to constantly self-examine and ask God to guide me on my faith journey. As King Solomon concluded in Ecclesiastes 12:13, our faith journey need not be overly complicated; we simply need to fear God and keep His commandments.

All glory be to God. Amen!