Songs of Homecoming
Song of Ascent, the Tenth
Many a time they have
afflicted me from my youth…
I had forgotten
rumors could haunt these hills and
the sound of words could
whip through the temple
like cords positioned to pounce.
Why did I forget?
And how could I?
– That joy comes
in spirituality’s morning,
but the weaknesses of men
recur at night.
How can we survive
with plowers pressed
into the back and
wounds gouged deep?
How can we survive
in an ark that seems –
sinking?
I stagger in my breathing
and I say,
I cannot stay
I cannot stay
I cannot survive
here.
And Lord,
You know,
how I lashed out at You
with blame, with indignation,
with equal cords of resentment.
You know
the sorrow that seeped into my heart
like heavy smoke through the
crack of a door.
You know
my whole soul grieved
when I saw
how in holy places
people still can fall,
How the stalwart-seeming crash –
lying like the shards of
elegant busts on the floor –
leaving Your temple
devastated, dismal and foreign
to the eye.
For a moment
I long for the wilderness,
For a moment
I yearn to retreat
Because I think
getting caught in the brambles
of the world
are not so different
from the thickets in here
But –
somehow,
in some way,
in some unasked
miracle of the days
You plant my feet in
these windy and narrow steps.
Though desire begs me
to give this journey up,
though sorrow obscures
sight and sense of You,
though I lose
all hope of direction,
You carry me.
You stay me.
And here on this step
somehow,
in some way,
in some unasked
miracle of the days,
I stand.
I stand for You
I stand in You
I stand because of You
I don’t know why
You’ve stilled me,
but I will listen,
I will listen.
The eye sees no point
but the soul stays
for something deeper
that I do not yet know
that I cannot yet speak.
It is all right
That I do not know
I will listen
I will listen.
And let us all,
who are hovering
between these same steps
of belief and loss
hope and despair
quietude and cries
listen for You,
for the peace of your voice,
to stay us, to pull us
to see as You see
to follow You,
You alone.
Song of Ascent, the Eleventh
Out of the depths I have
Cried to You, O Lord. . .
Out of the depths
I have cried
Sending up
My prayers like
lattice-winged messengers
that fail and
all fall flat.
Why,
even the echo
Of my voice
plummets down
like some misbegotten bird.
And I tell myself,
You have not heard—
You have not seen—
For why else
Would you not answer,
When month after month
Day after day
I present to You
The same prayers
The same pleas
In the same prostrate
posture
And there is only
Silence – null and nothing.
Out of the depths
I have cried,
Out of the depths
I have hoped.
Will You
not hear?
Will You not be near
as once You were?
But this I know,
I am not the master
To dictate your coming.
If there is to be silence,
Then let it be.
Yet,
Silence,
Speak.
Let me understand
the message You bring.
And let me find
a new way to pray.
Let me learn
a new song for my lips,
And let me possess
a new patience in my heart.
Lord, though I cry
Out of the depths,
Help me to be watchful and wait.
For the night
I know
You will certainly scatter
And the silence
You will surely break.
Song of Ascent, the Twelfth
Lord, my heart is not haughty
Nor my eyes lofty…
When the waves crash
Down on me and
banish all
Thought of action.
The hero, I’ve heard,
emerges in times of
intense struggle.
And the saint, I thought,
Was supposed to shine
brightest during
the darkest trial.
But once conflict came
And the trials knotted me in,
Neither hero, nor saint
revealed himself in me.
– I did not even do
As Peter did
And cry out
For You to save me.
Instead,
I floundered.
And the winds
Whipped around me
Like a snake
Centered on its prey
And the waves
Arced over me
Like a mouth
Poised to eat.
And I did not call,
I did not call.
I did not call
When I needed You most.
But strangely,
You saw, You came.
And the turbulent waters
Then rocked soft,
the wind whispered a lullaby and
You spoke Your message:
That after all you think you are
after all you try to be,
you are just
My smallest child,
Helpless and dependent,
Curled into this very crook
of My arms.
And now,
after all I thought I wanted –
to be sure, to be strong, to be a fire –
I am content.
Just
As I am.
So
tuck me into yourself,
O Lord,
And let me say,
thank you and
good-night.
Song of Ascent, the Thirteenth
Lord, remember David…
Though I used to view Your golden
boy
With a perverse jealousy and pictured him
Sitting on a rock –
with his harp,
playing hymns and doing
everything too right.
I remember thinking
How can anyone compare to him?
Or, more to the point,
How can I compare to him?
He, Who
even thought of
And ordered
The cedar Your temple
would require.
[But] Lord, remember David…
For all that he was,
a man, wholly after
Your own heart,
who
yearned
And could not rest
Until he found a place
for You
In his life and city’s center.
These days,
I don’t try to top
that cherub on the rock.
– Because that’s not
what David ever was.
For all his pastoral perfection,
He was human enough
Human
With desire and fears
pride and complacency
sorrow and despair.
And yet,
He still managed
To seek Your heart
And prepare Your temple.
He still managed,
Despite the wreck of
what we humans are,
To search for You, to find You
To Know You.
And I ask,
Lord,
remember David…
Remember
how it was possible
For a man in this world
To incline his heart to You
And hear
the very pulse of Yours.
I ask You to remember
And help incline my heart,
All of our hearts,
To forget our petty issues
and make for You
a temple
In the midst of our life,
And, to make our life
One
steady
course
of ascent.
Song of Ascent, the Fourteenth
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brethren to dwell together in unity!
It is like
Light
Unhinged
From a rusted lantern,
Pure burning radiance
Alighting the
Cold, whalebone road.
Or it is like
the crack
Of an old contention,
bitterness,
a wooden nut,
dropping
from its shell,
It is like the first
breath of freedom
once envy subsides,
and the air is
so much sweeter.
It is forgotten rancor
Forgiven pasts,
A new way of seeing.
It is like
Trickling streams of
Visceral laughter,
something shared and
Something given.
It is like the rising
Sound of singing,
The sound of praise
Ushering us in
As we step towards
God’s dwelling place.
It is like
Life
As we know it should be.
It is like
Light
Unhinged.
Behold…
For brethren to dwell together in unity!
It is like…
It is like…
It is –
Yes –
It is –
Heaven.
Song of Ascent, the Fifteenth
Behold, bless the Lord,
All you servants…
Who have traveled by day,
Kept watch by night,
Fallen
But risen
And now stand
in the house of the Lord.
Behold, bless the Lord,
All you servants…
Who, when your legs gave way,
Crawled to reach
the next step and
Clutched the ledge
Simply to keep hold.
Behold, bless the Lord,
All you servants…
Who continued
On sheer faith
When the journey seemed
Pointless.
Behold, bless the Lord,
All you servants…
Who were lost
But suddenly found
The arms of God
Steady
around you.
Behold, bless the Lord,
All you servants…
Who sang a song in the night
For the ones in doubt,
Whose notes caught
Those in their turning and
Unknowingly led them back.
Lift up your hands in the sanctuary,
And bless the Lord,
For who has guided us
But our Lord?
And who sustained us
But the sustainer of life?
Lift up your hands in the sanctuary,
And bless the Lord,
For He has led us
In His own ways,
He has stayed us
When we turned our steps,
He has spoke
When we did not even
think to ask.
Lift up your
hands in the sanctuary,
And bless the Lord,
For we have come
Yes,
We are here,
Yes,
We are here.
[And may] the
Lord who made heaven and earth
Bless you from Zion…
Bless you on your journey,
Bless us in our continual ascent
To see
To meet
To know
– finally know –
Him
face to face.
