Chad Liu—Sacramento, California, USA

Dating and marriage are among the most important decisions of a believer's life. There has been a recent trend of brothers and sisters in Christ choosing to date non-believers, hoping that their partners will eventually accept the true gospel of salvation. Some couples have experienced positive outcomes, but others have faced painful consequences. As followers of the Lord Jesus Christ, how should we approach this important issue? Below are common questions believers may ask, along with biblical responses to help us trust God's timing and plan for each of us.

Q1. What if I can't find a potential partner in the church? Should I be open to dating outside the church?

It is completely understandable for us to feel lonely or discouraged when we do not see anyone suitable in the church. Wanting to share our lives with someone who understands and supports us is a natural and good desire. God Himself said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Gen 2:18a). However, the key is how we seek companionship and who we allow to guide that journey.

Dating should be about more than just meeting our emotional needs; it should reflect our faith and trust in God's timing. In God's eyes, dating serves a sacred purpose—to find a life partner who will walk in faith and build a Christ-centered home with us. The Bible may not provide a "Romance 101" guide, but it does offer strong principles for courtship. These principles protect our hearts and keep us aligned with God's will.

The Bible reminds us:

         Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14)

         Do not be mismatched with unbelievers; for what do righteousness and lawlessness share together, or what does light have in common with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14, NASB)[1]

The word "yoked" evokes the image of two animals pulling the same plow. If they are mismatched in size, strength, or direction, the work becomes difficult or may not progress at all. In the same way, if two people do not share the same faith and spiritual goals, the relationship may start well but will eventually face serious challenges. Differences in Sabbath keeping, church involvement, raising children, and life priorities can slowly create tension. Over time, one person may compromise their faith or drift away from God. That is why God's word warns us not to be unequally yoked.

It is natural to feel disheartened if we believe there are no potential partners for us in the church. But instead of letting that feeling lead us to compromise God's teachings by dating outside the faith, we should take this time to grow closer to God. When we bring our desires before Him in prayer and trust His timing, we learn that waiting is not a delay but a part of God's plan. God knows our needs better than we do, and His plans are always good, even if His ways unfold differently from what we expect (Isa 55:8–9).

When the time comes for us to find a partner, it should be intentional and prayerful, guided by a heart that is grounded in faith rather than emotion or social pressure. Dating simply for the sake of dating is not the purpose God intends because it often leads to short-term connections. A better word to describe this process is "courting," which means seeking a relationship with the sincere purpose of finding a life partner who shares our faith and will walk the heavenly journey with us. The Bible reminds us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" (Mt 6:33) and to acknowledge Him in all our ways so that He will direct our paths (Prov 3:5–6). When we let the Lord Jesus guide our hearts in choosing a significant other, we build a lasting foundation that honors Him.

Q2. I've seen brothers and sisters marry non-believers, and their spouses eventually got baptized and now serve actively. Can't that happen to me too?

It is true that some have married non-believers who later came to the faith, but this is the exception rather than the norm. While we may admire such testimonies of God's mercy on new believers, we must remember that faith should never be compromised. We should not make personal and spiritual decisions based on rare situations. God knows the longing in our hearts, and He understands our desire to share life with someone who loves and follows Him. God's word gives clear commands, not conditional suggestions:

         "Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the LORD will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly." (Deut 7:3–4)

These words reflect God's deep concern that compromise usually goes in the wrong direction. Believers are far more likely to be influenced away from faith than to bring their partner into it. While some spouses do eventually come to believe, many do not, and the believer often ends up carrying the spiritual burden alone.

Faith should never be treated as a strategy to change someone. Conversion must come from the Holy Spirit, not through romantic attachment. Marrying someone with the hope that they will later convert puts the believer in a spiritually vulnerable place. Rather than relying on possibilities, we should rely on God's clear guidance.

Q3. I'm getting older, and there are no suitable brothers or sisters. Isn't it better to marry a good person who is not in the church than to remain single?

This is an honest struggle for many of us, especially when cultural and family expectations add pressure. It is normal to long for companionship, and seasons of singleness can feel lonely. Yet we must remember that marrying outside the faith often leads to deeper and lifelong spiritual obstacles. If we wait patiently and trust in God's timing, He will provide what is best for us.

         The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him. (Lam 3:25)

The Bible also reminds us that those who wait on the Lord will not be put to shame (Isa 49:23). Waiting is not wasted time when it is rooted in faith. At first, marrying a non-believer may seem like the easier option. However, after marriage, differences in faith become very real. Couples may face tensions over disagreements on worship, church attendance, and raising children. Many believers in these situations find themselves worshipping alone on Sabbaths, struggling to pass on their faith to their children, and lacking spiritual support from their spouse during crucial moments.

Choosing to follow God's lead, even when waiting is hard, shows faith in His wisdom. Many may wonder, What if I find a good person who treats me well, even if they are not in the faith? Isn't that enough? Character is important, but spiritual unity is essential for a Christ-centered marriage. Marrying a good person who does not share the same faith can still lead to spiritual loneliness and compromise. The Bible urges us to wait for the Lord and be courageous, trusting that He will strengthen our hearts (Ps 27:14). God makes everything beautiful in His time (Eccl 3:11). His timing is never late. It may not match our expectations, but it is always good. Waiting with faith and obedience prepares us to receive blessings that align with His perfect will, including a marriage that honors our Lord Jesus Christ.

Q4. What if I date someone first and then gradually introduce them to the True Jesus Church? Isn't this a good form of evangelism?

Evangelism is about sharing the gospel of salvation freely, out of genuine love for God and others, not out of romantic hopes. The urge to share the truth with those we care about is natural, but dating or entering a relationship with the intention of conversion can blur our motives and place emotional pressure on both hearts. We can trust that God's Spirit works best when our love is pure, our motives sincere, and our hearts strengthened through prayer. When we lead others to Christ for His sake, we allow God's love, not emotion, to guide the outcome.

         [They were] praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to church daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:47)

It is God who brings people into the church through His Spirit and word, not through romantic relationships. Many who begin with good intentions eventually compromise their faith. They might attend fewer church fellowships, downplay doctrinal differences, or avoid difficult biblical conversations to maintain a smooth relationship. Sometimes the non-believing partner participates outwardly to please their partner, not because of genuine conviction, which can create future tension in the marriage.

True evangelism is led by the Holy Spirit, supported by prayer, and grounded in truth. If someone is genuinely seeking God, they will respond to His call without the need for romantic involvement. It is far better to let God work in their heart first and only consider a courtship after they come to true faith on their own. An example of God leading those who earnestly seek Him is Cornelius the centurion, a devout and God-fearing Gentile. Through God's guidance, Peter was sent to preach to him, and the Holy Spirit worked powerfully in Cornelius and his household, leading them to believe and be baptized (Acts 10:1–48). This shows that God can reach sincere seekers through His own timing and ways without relying on romantic relationships.

Q5. Isn't love enough? If we truly love each other, can't we make it work despite our different beliefs?

Human love, though powerful and beautiful, still has its limits. Love at first sight or romantic feelings alone cannot sustain a marriage through every season of life. What truly holds a relationship together is spiritual unity—the shared faith, values, and hope in Christ that strengthen both hearts when trials arise. When we build our love on the Lord Jesus, He becomes the anchor that keeps us steady and the source of strength that helps us persevere together.

         Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the LORD guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain. (Ps 127:1)

God must be at the center of every marriage. When a couple does not share the same faith, even simple daily matters such as prayer, church attendance, and raising children can become sources of conflict. Many children in such situations receive mixed spiritual messages. One parent may emphasize the importance of baptism and keeping the Sabbath, while the other may be indifferent or even disagree. This tension often leads to confusion and spiritual drift in the next generation. When faith is not united from the beginning, the spiritual foundation of the family weakens, and the succession of faith within the church may eventually be hindered.

Love is essential, but godly love is built on shared faith and common values in Christ. Emotional attraction alone cannot sustain a spiritual covenant. Only Christ-centered love can establish a lasting foundation for marriage and family. A beautiful example is seen in the marriage of Boaz and Ruth. Boaz was a man of faith and integrity, and Ruth chose to follow the God of Israel with a sincere heart (Ruth 1:16–17). Their shared faith and commitment to God formed the foundation of their union, bringing blessings to future generations (Ruth 4:13–17). Their love story reminds us that when two people place God at the center of their relationship, He can use their union to fulfill His greater purpose.

Q6. What if I'm already married to a non-believer?

If you are already married, the Bible gives clear guidance:

         But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. (1 Cor 7:12–13, NASB)

In such situations, believers are called to remain faithful and demonstrate their faith through godly conduct. Although these marriages present unique challenges, as discussed above, believers need to rely on prayer, seek support from their local church, and maintain their faith without compromise. Their steadfast example can become a powerful testimony to their spouse.

At the same time, it is important to continue growing spiritually and to strengthen your personal relationship with the Lord. Spiritual growth not only helps you remain steadfast but also allows God to work through your life. The Bible encourages believers to let their light shine before others (Mt 5:16) and to win their spouse without words through godly conduct (1 Pet 3:1–2). Prayer should be a constant practice, asking the Lord to soften your spouse's heart and lead them to the truth. While change may not happen immediately, God is able to work through a faithful and prayerful heart.

CONCLUSION

Dating and marriage are personal decisions, but for believers, they are ultimately covenants before God. The Scriptures warn against being unequally yoked not to restrict us but to protect our faith, future, and family. The choices we make now shape our spiritual journey for years to come, such as when it comes to raising children. While some marriages with non-believers lead to conversion, this should never be the reason for entering the relationship. Our calling is to trust in God's provision, honor His word, and build relationships that strengthen our walk with the Lord Jesus Christ.

         Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass. (Ps 37:5)

Let us encourage one another to put God first in every area of life, including love and marriage. It is not always easy to wait for God's timing, but His plans are always worth trusting. When we surrender our desires to Him and walk by faith, He leads us toward blessings that last. Trusting in His ways brings peace to our hearts and confidence that what He provides will be far superior to anything our impatient actions could achieve.