I turned my back on you, Lord
When You clearly showed me the way.

I chose to take control
And wanted my say.

You spoke to me in prayer;
How wonderful that experience was!
I was reassured for a moment;
I was lifted of that burden.
Joy, lightness, comfort...

You had a way for me;
You told me as much.
You would provide.
I wasn't to worry,
I wasn't to fear,
I wasn't to be confused.

I was to strive for You,
I was to preach Your Gospel,
I was to love all with Your love.

These were what You said to me.
Again, how wonderful that experience was!

*****

Yet how briefly that reassurance lasted,
When it was meant to stay.
The best-laid plans God had for me went awry,
Once I let my emotions overcome me.

This is not to say God's plan can be foiled by my foolishness;
I simply chose the longer and tougher route.

I could deceive everyone,
But I couldn't myself.
I threw myself into one awful tangled web of confusion;
I put myself through pain;
I went through tedious guessing games,
When all God wanted was
For me to trust His guidance
And to know that in everything
There is His time.

Right now, for me, and as for you too,
He made clear His commission.
He emphasized His greatest commandment:
We are to carry them out.
Everything else, God will provide.

*****

The answer I sought and what You gave
Weren't exactly the same.
I wanted an explicit "Yes" or "No,"
You gave me direction instead.

I realized how shortsighted I was!
I won't probe any further.
You are not a fortune-teller;
For what good would it be if I had known
Something bad, or something good
Would befall me on this day or that day?
What purpose would it serve if I had known that
This person or that person
Would be my life-long friend or foe?

I thank God for having reminded me again
To turn around to face Him,
To heed His call and hear Him.